Blue bottles

Book Review: A million little pieces.

Scary. It’s been so long since a book churned my insides, bringing out all my follies back into my eyes. Beneath any facade i choose to put on. It bites your mind, not letting go. I loved it. In a wierd way that I love.

I hate that book. I hate the fact it makes so much sense. And left me too depressed since the time I read it. It made me fall out of love. Made me analyse my life the way it is. Blasted open my Pandora’s box of delusion and reassurances. After a bazillion years, made me see me for me. Scary.

The book has nothing to do with it’s unique syntax or the lies the author made up to make it such a mind blowing book. God, it’s like being slapped when you’re hysterical. When you’re in a cloud of your mind and something sharp whacks you across your face, jerkng your neck back and through a sting of pain and tears, you can finally see. Scary.

It leaves you staind.

It leaves you fated.

It leaves you pained.

It leaves you hated.

It leaves you alive.

It’s raw. It’s unbelievable. It’s lies. But I can’t take my eyes off it.

Just thinkin’ about
Tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs,
And the sorrow
Till there’s none!

The sun’ll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
‘Til tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow!
Tomorrow!
I love ya
Tomorrow!
You’re always a day away
Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya, tomorrow
You’re always a day away!

Aw… I miss being a kid. I adore this movie…

Dayam. It’s that time of the year again. February fourteenth is looming over our egos. It’s Valentine’s Day. The stupidest day of the year.

Of course single. Of course bitter. Of course, strapped for cash. But this year I’m prepared I’m armed with a plan. Ha ha. This year is not going to be as pathetic as the last years.

Enjoy people. And lemme know what you did. I’ll tell you my story on 15th.

BTw Crappy Valentine’s Day to you too…

I remember the time I was fourteen. My father and I were having this long chat. For once, I was not being chastened over some or the other act (or omission). He was telling me about the Pavlov’s Reflex. To read more google it. I was sprawled over the table and boredom oozed from every pore in my body. appa explained the whole thing, his eyes shining with excitement. I was unimpressed. So what? The dogs drooled over the sound of the bell ringing. And he won a Nobel for this? Puhlease. Then appa got a little quiet, seeing that his explanation was not received with as much enthusiasm as warranted. He smiled a sad smile at me and then told me(with eerie precision) that I would one day realize the beauty of it.

An odd word to use. Beauty. Something I would never associate with drooling dogs or sonnes des cloches. I don’t know why I remembered the incident. Maybe because of my own bristling thoughts of the stupidity of it all. Or my father’s excitement over something so trivial. I had never known him to be anything but sensible. And wise. But it just got stuck in my brain. Like an ear worm.

I was 17. Just the night before my 18th birthday. I was letting thoughts of my parents slip over my languid and depressed brain( I always get depressed before my birthday). This memory came by, and floated away into a crevice somewhere in my grooved brain. And then, at that moment it struck me. The beauty of it all. The conditionary reflex et al.The simplicity of the Obvious. The complexity of it’s proof. Every single detail of it’s brilliance and I almost wept with the enormity of my rediscovering it.

The beauty of it.

I can’t explain why I found that so profound. Even now, while I’m hunched over this keyboard trying to put my thoughts into words that don’t come out, I’m frustrated beyond tears that I can’t share the blazing happiness I felt that humid night while I figured it out. It was so intensely personal and stunning… to me. I still don’t know whether it was because I got it or whether I felt like I’d discovered something in that beautiful web that had spun itself between my dad and I. It’s so amazing to find out something new about the person you think you know so well that you take them for granted. I don’t know. I can’t explain.

But it taught me three things.

1. Everything in this world, proven or unproven, has it’s own singular beauty. One must just turn their minds towards it to see it. I dismissed the brilliance of this discovery because I was too dumb (and too self assured) to see the shimmering beauty of it. Everything, from a house fly to the human body has such stunning beauty in it, that on its discovery it’ll make you cry at its brilliance. Believe me, my dear skeptical readers. Maybe you have no idea what I’m talking about. I don’t blame you. I can’t put in words myself. Ineffable, that’s what it is. I can only feel it. I only hope, that someday you feel it. Because only when, you feel it will you get it.
2. That’s where god is. In those tiny discoveries that you make for yourselves. Thing that only you will find stupendous. That’s your God. Everytime when a question pops into my head to which I have no answer, and upon finding out that answer I’m amazed to speechlessness(which is miracle by itself, coz doesn’t happen too often), I know there’s God. In that little answer that made me so happy. In that little answer that brings you to a spiritual bus stop where you’ve arrived at a destination in yourself that’ll mark itself as the best ************* milestone in that long journey.

3. Beauty lies in details. In any goddamn detail. And my daddy taught me to appreciate those. I love him more than anything in the world for that. Thanks for making me more aware.

P.S. Pavlov won the Nobel not for the dog thingy for for his super research on digestion. And ear worms are those songs that get stuck in your head forever and a day when you hear them once…

Sometimes life catches up with you so fast, you don’t have time to gasp. A month gone by in a new year. Strangely I’m cool with that. Before I’d be hyperventilating about some or the other non-issue. This year I have no solid commitments to race towards or some horrific sin I had commited in the previous janma that I have to beget. He He…I’ll explain if someone wants me to…

So it’s Feb already. And I’m chilled as a cucumber. How? Is this the proverbial calm before the storm? Crap, just when I was planning to lie back and enjoy the motions with a cup of cheap chai. People around me seem to be in a flurry of activity…studying for CAT, the next sem , hooking up and attending moots. But I remain in a sweet state of lethargy.

So tell me people, what’s been up with you guys? I want to know. Enough with me. Tell me ’bout you. Which reminds me, my bloggy is turning one in a little while so I’ll be getting other people to write for it. So you’ll be seeing a plethora of varied minds etching their thoughts in cyber space. So wait mes amis, for the festivities to begin…

BTW this post was a sort of buffer between the next aricle and my previous. Also, did anyone watch Rang De Basanti? lemme know what you thought of it…